I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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