I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
