I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
