I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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