Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
