i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
