literally had 100 drinks last night.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
