That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?