I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
These 25 Women First Experienced Sexual Harassment At A Shocking Age
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.