I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.