Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
