That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize