We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
