I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
