So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
