You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
porn star boner night. come get it.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
My feet surprised me
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