I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
no, he came in my armpit
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
