Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Randomize
