the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
there is glitter all over my balls
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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