my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
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