Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
