I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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