hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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