Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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