So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
