I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
