...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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