Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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