I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
