im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
