How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Randomize
