Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
