:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
