didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
