I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
