Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
