so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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