I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
