Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
