Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
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