The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
