i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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