First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
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