I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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