TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
