you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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