I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
