im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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