it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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