i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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