I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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