Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
