I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
