Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
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