haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
