When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Randomize
