His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
My feet surprised me
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
