So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
