You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
wow bdsm is so cute
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