I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
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Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
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Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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