There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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