My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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