dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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