dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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