Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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