Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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