i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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