i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
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