What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
