at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
this boner is exhausting
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
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