life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
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