if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
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