I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I just gift wrapped bread.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
