She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
