So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
