You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
