I think my vagina is haunted
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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